Saturday, June 25, 2016


One man's catacomb is another man's beneath the freeway sleeping place for the homeless guy.  Or maybe, it is a black dark place where the light rarely reaches you, and you avoid contact.  I might be there at the moment.  A good friend and comrade in work died, of a terrible disease. For a number of reasons I am feeling nostalgia for my mother, who has passed in 2012.  I miss her with every breath I take.  And I regret that in my depression I took issue with some people and it led to my having enemies.  I don't regret much in life, since life is a learning curve, and we don't come with a learning manual.  But being in the darkness, is not good.

Although the large depression I was in, from 2011 to 2015 is over, I do occasionally fall into the black holes of grief.  It isn't, as those who have no idea sometimes suggest, that I love my darkness.  It isn't, as others suggest, that I enjoy the attention for being depressed.  My mind, spirit, and body just get hit with extra hard unhappy motions, and it is an unpleasant place to be. 

This kanji says, I am told, I am my own demon.
So, since I've entered one, and I know it will be temporary, I thought I'd share with the few and proud readers here what I do when in a place like this, and what brings me to life.

I have two very amazing cats.  I love them dearly, and would not have made it through cancer treatments without them.  I am not suggesting my wife, son or friends and family weren't necessary, just that, after chemo, nothing comforted me like kisses with cat whiskers, purrs and cuddles.  My Katya especially made sure I was loved.  She is my darling.  My cat Sophie is a dear, but she is more about look at me I am pretty than she is about loving or giving affection.  Still, I love her.

I love art by many people, and some great works by Tim White from the UK grace the covers of some books I love to read, those about the Cthulhu Mythos.  I love these books, the design, the contents, the way they were compiled and how they look together.

And I read the absurdist and magnificent Albert Camus.  His works allowed me to escape my feeling of being without purpose.  I'd often fallen into fits of depression when I'd worked myself into exhaustion, for almost no reward, thinking, how can I go on?  And it would wound me, how I'd work myself trying to serve the deity I believe in, and have no reward or feeling of acceptance from those who are similar in belief.  And then I read Albert Camus, and he explained that the world itself is absurd, and that the way in which a moral, bright person fights the absurdity is to create meaning by their life and manner of living.  He was one who questioned the existence of God, but he was not an atheist.  He suggested that the reasonable mind does the best it can, and hopes.  And that is what I do.  I believe, I do my best, and I hope.

I have hope for you, and offer you these closing quotes about eternity.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Other minds

The search for intelligent life by humans
Is a joke, to begin with, for the folly
That we have ignored our companions
Upon this earth
For how we perceive them
By how we are limited and are able to imagine
Rather than how intelligent they are
We will gladly leave this planet
Abandon it
Thinking we've found another Eden
When instead they've been with us
As we have ignored the garden
The entire time
Unseeing eyes
Unimagining minds

The Bible 

“Consider the ravens: for they neither sow nor reap; which neither have storehouse nor barn; and God feedeth them: how much more are ye better than the fowls?

And which of you with taking thought can add to his stature one cubit? 

If ye then be not able to do that thing which is least, why take ye thought for the rest?

Consider the lilies how they grow: they toil not, they spin not; and yet I say unto you, that Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.”

Saturday, June 11, 2016

One against the Spawn from Hell

Awakened, angry
Hungry, vile
The spawn reached
Through the veil
Of the darkness
One after another
Warriors fell
The hungry demon
Ate his fill
Souls sucked in
Spat out cold
To be hounded in hell
The demon's reign
Fear and violence
His tolling bell
Only one stood alone
Made a stand
His heart prepared
To die
No need to atone
His vigilant heart
Fierce and noble
Frightened the demon
Back to his abode
Somewhere deep
In the bowels of hell

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Why they revolt

After crop failures and starvation
The taxes steal the last remnants of food
Leaving children to starve and no solution
Filled with ire towards the king and his men
The hungry and poor take their farming tools
And turn them to weapons to be used in revolution
There is no better answer, nature failed this season
And the king could not forgive all the taxes
Or he'd be seen as a fool
But the revolution has its reasons
And if it succeeds or fails
The results could be ever lasting
For throwing off one master
For another
Means nothing
But here
They have no plan
Only to kill
And to be free
Of a master's hand




(with K├Ąthe Kollwitz art now in public domain)