Saturday, November 19, 2016

I exist. Therefore what the hell...

The world has confused me for the last 30 years.  When I was 15-25 I thought I knew everything.  At the moment I have not one clue who I am.

I write, but, I am not, I think, a writer.  I write poems, and I think about Poetry, and my brain works like poetry.  So, while I can write other forms, many genres, I am, I think, a poet.  But my poems don't sell books.  They don't do anything really, except express myself.

I worked as a journalist, an instructor in community college, a tutor, and a rather poor laborer in about 30 different warehouse, industrial, retail jobs.  As a journalist I loved my work, but found it financially unrewarding.  I then would satisfy my feelings of being unrewarded by thinking my work would encourage others or help them find good work.  I used to believe that the world would respond to my offers of good reading material, interviews with talent, people who deserve more attention and support.  But they never did.

I used to believe that voting for candidates in the hopes of their being moral would achieve some sliver of higher morality in politics.  But that for sure never happened.

I am not suggesting that I think any politicians are moral, let alone Trump or HRClinton being moral.  I didn't vote for them.  But some are more than others.

My life is better for having lived in the US, with middle class devoted parents.  My life is not now nor has it ever been bad.  But it is and has been painful.  In fact, I thank makers of various medicines.  I thank the makers of various surgical techniques and cancer finding technology.  I would have been dead in a previous century by 34 years old due to things that happened.  But in the present, I live.  But, I have had four more times where a doctor told me that I should be dead.  So I know that I am "lucky".  In fact, if I had been a sperm/egg fetus in the present I would have been removed.  I'd have been aborted since my biological DNA providers met due to Rape.  I'd not exist if I had been creation later.  However, I'd be dead in the past, at an earlier age, than in the present.  But I wouldn't exist in the current era, right now, due to Abortion rights.

So here I am.  Who am I?  I don't know.

"Bushido is realized in the presence of death.  This means choosing death whenever there is a choice between life and death. There is no other reasoning." Tsunetomo Yamamoto

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