Friday, September 30, 2016

The Women in my life.

My mother would be 90 this year, but she passed away in October of 2012.   She is in my heart of memories, and I long to see her again, walking so fast as she always did, in those eternal Elysian fields. She did, however, get to live some extra special life prior to her being stolen by Alzheimer's disease.  She loved being with my son, and truly was more life of any party any of us had ever seen.   His memory of her will be fleeting, but mine will never fade. My mother was a stern perfectionist, but she also had to be, as she came from a poor family and worked her way into a very respectable middle class life with her husband, my father.   I miss my dad too, but, the echo of my memories of my mom continue to linger in me, and they'll never be anything but loss.  But my life now has inheritances from my parents, despite being adopted and therefore not inheritances of the flesh.  My father was a planner, and my mother would have made a deadline even if the end of the world was happening the day before it.  When I faced cancer after a year of mourning for my mother, I was so far ahead on all my projects, I still wasn't late, and that kind of determination and planning doesn't always come by nature.

The woman who changed my life by loving me has been my wife since June 11, 1988.  Beth is more than my wife though, we are best friends.  I find her as beautiful today as I did then, and I found her quite beautiful then.  A great many people could see the two of us as being quite different, and we are that.  She grew up in a much higher status neighborhood, and a larger family.  She was/is Canadian, with Scots/Irish roots.  I was nothing like that and my roots I only found out long after we were connected.  My wife desperately wanted a child, and I was fine with adopting, while she was moved by primal urge to have one with both of our DNA.  It was a journey that was dangerous, torturous and long, but we ended the journey with my son.  He is a miracle, and his name in Hebrew Jonathan Cha'im is "YAHWEH has given""Life".  Beth and I share a deep faith in God, we are both Christians, but, whereas she comes by faith through reason and Apologetics, I am emotional, intuitive, and moved by the "spirit".  Somehow together, we have a complete being.  With our child we created a reason for our having been together, and now, I stare into the future with a son going off to college someday soon, a wife being very successful in her work, and me?  writing poetry.

A person who I loved and found myself to be kindred to was Cathy Roberts.  She was one of my wife's best friends and when we gathered, with friends or family, Cathy and I could spend the time speaking and the world would disappear.  We were entirely sympatico, and she and could finish the other's sentence, and it wasn't a surprise that that was so.  We both have suffered depression, and Cathy also faced deeper issues with some inheritances of dark sadness, and other things that she couldn't fight the rest of her life.  She took her own life in August of 2014, and by doing so, I can scarcely mention her without breaking down.  I miss her desperately, and won't get to see her again, until I pass into the shadows, but, I hope I don't do so before my appointed time.  Now, who appoints it?  They can do so whenever they like, I am frankly ready to go, my bags are packed, my work upon the earth is finished, everything I consider important to do, I've done.  Aside from apologizing or making amends, I've done all that I am able, my work or destiny is fulfilled and life can move ahead smoothly without me.
That would seem to cover it all, except for the two fur covered ladies who kept me afloat during my cancer year, and who love me on a daily basis for as little as food in their dish, cuddles, and clean sand, and fresh water.  My Katya and Sophie are my darling reminders that God shows his love in many different ways, and I am content just to know them, rather than try to logically figure out how do I deserve such amazing, wild, loving, innocent creatures.  They move me, all the time.

I also have made some very special friends online, and my family remains important and ever present in my life.  Kris Orluck, my cousin Tom's wife is my most ardent supporter of my work.  There are many many more, friends from Italy, Israel, Ukraine, France, UK, Canada, and nearby.  I really should just call it what it is, I am blessed.  And no, I am not drunk, I am not high, I am simply in a place, where despite having little money personally, having little success or recognition, I am aware that there is love in my life, in heavy measure.  That I mourn the loss is because I had so much to lose.  I want to finish this short piece by saying, I do not regret the pain because it has made me stronger.  Every tear and every lesson learned goes to making me a better person.  I refuse to let anything stop me from loving more, trying harder, and being as good as I can be.  I am moral, but not enough.  I am generous but not enough.  I am hopeful but nowhere nearly enough.  I do not regret the pain, because learning to overcome that pain has made me stronger.

"Bushido is realized in the presence of death.
This means choosing death whenever there
is a choice between life and death. There is
no other reasoning." Tsunetomo Yamamoto

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Thoughts for the Day

I've been reading a lot recently.   I am writing a great deal as well.  My desire is to write better, but also, to fill my work with awesome content, different concepts, and more exposure to new thinking so that my work will gain from it.  I am not one who assumes my work is doomed to being forever frozen in its state of being.  I am satisfied with my poetry, but I hope to always improve.  People might well not like my work, that is always a possibility, but that should not be a barrier to my trying to improve.

The author I am most often reading is Yukio Mishima, but I have been reading Kazuo Ishiguro as well as William Gibson.  The best work was the most unexpected, NEVER LET ME GO by Kazuo Ishiguro, which deals with a very dirty human future, for reasons I don't want to share for fear of spoiling anything.  It is magnificent.

I do have a great many works in progress.  Writing them is not work, but a labor of love.

Saturday, September 24, 2016


I am unready to declare the end of the world as a result of America's choosing of a political leader.  However, I am ready to declare that I refuse to vote for any of the four morons who stand to receive the most votes.

The four presented are completely unworthy of office, and despite what GOP voters would say, Obama would mop the floor with them.  Contrary to what Democrat voters would say, George W Bush would mop the floor with them as well.  The choices offered are just that bad.

"Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."  
Martin Luther King, Jr.

The world awaits the decision that America makes.  I offer this... The United States has arrived at the most important point of the history of the nation, and we are offered the four worst possible choices.  If you have a choice you are happy with, great go with that, good luck.  But the truth is, America has issues that cannot be addressed alone, and the world outside of the US is increasingly hostile.  Agents of terrorism strike nearly daily, including mass shootings, extremist violence, and gang control and murders of in Chicago and other large cities.  We cannot afford such idiocy as to elect people who cannot tell the truth, who do not believe the truth, or worse, ignore the truth.  We have met the enemy, and they are us.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Comic Writers from the UK and Ireland who you should be reading

I was told by a reader of one of my blogs that I have elitist taste in comics.  Yes, I like the work of Grant Morrison, Jamie Delano, and more UK/Ireland writers, but a lot of American, French, Japanese and other writers and artists as well.

Liking intelligent writers creating great work isn't elitism.  Doesn't anyone prefer good creative arts?  Who wants to read drekk?  I don't think I read only elitist work.  I think good work doesn't = elitist.  However, I do think there has been an enormous amount of great writers from the UK and Ireland who I've read and enjoyed.

For the most part I think they can be found here, but I am sure I've missed one or two.  I like a lot of UK/Ireland artists as well.  But again, I like many creative talents regardless of their country of origin.  But it got me thinking, holy crap there are a lot of writers from the UK and Ireland who I like a great deal.

Grant Morrison

Jamie Delano

Alan Moore
Mike Carey

David Hine


Garth Ennis
Paul Jenkins

Neil Gaiman

Mark Millar



Friday, September 2, 2016

Reaching the final chapter

If life is a book, and I am nearly finished with reading it, does that book resonate and change me, or does it confirm that I am not enough?  Do the words found inside move me, or do they condemn me?

I might be human, and alive, but my memories go back to times when I was not alive.   Does that make me a fool, insane, or simply connected with the planet?  I don't know.