Wednesday, November 11, 2015

When Darkness Breaks

In the middle of chaos steel and blood met.  The battle of Towton was said by some to be decisive because the king was changed by the result.  But the War of the Roses went on, a dozen more battles took place before a final accounting was to be final.

That is my life and depression.    I've found that no matter how good and happy I manage to achieve in my mood, my world finds some way to crush my spirit.  Every day good is balanced by frustration or sorrow.  But, the darkness has broken, my year long depression does seem to have broken.

Some of this is because I am able to understand that false attacks by people who didn't do their part in a partnership means the attacks are meaningless.  I know the truth, so whatever the other says is false and I can go on.  I can move on in life in the area of hope.  I have hope for the world in which I live because instead of seeing only death and misery, I can try to do my part, encourage others to help, and at least do something rather than be frozen in place and be paralyzed by the horrors of modernity's plunge into the sucking of a whirlpool into the abyss.  I can rise up from my place of hiding in the corner, because there are people who believe my work is good.  When you tend to get only hate mail, you do not have a perspective that is healthy.  I lost one friend I loved to suicide, and lost another who was toxic and I am better for his leaving.  I mourned long enough the first, and I am moving on from the other.

The future is beautiful.  It has not been written.  It has not been promised to anyone.  So it is there for me to claim.  My son is soon entering college.  I am soon going to announce some very big news of some creative projects that will introduce my work to many new audiences. My wife and son and I will be moving to another home sometime too.  Changes approach, and I approach these changes with a new heart.  I refuse to be crushed by the past.

Life isn't easy, it is a battle, and battles leave casualties.  But as long as I survive, I intend to be a victor in the battle.  I bear the banner of my king, and there is only my king.

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