Tuesday, October 20, 2015

I am my own Demon

"Yet it would be your duty to bear it, if you could not avoid it: it is weak and silly to say you cannot bear what it is your fate to be required to bear."  Charlotte BrontĂ«

Every demon has a task.  Every demon has a purpose. Mine is to destroy every hope I have.  When I was born I was a bastard.  A child of rape.  I was never claimed by the biological father, since he was at best a sperm donor, and at worst a felon.  I was given life by the fact that my mother did not seek an illegal abortion.  Illegal, yes, since I was born in 1963 abortion was illegal.  However, should I have been a fetus in 1973 I'd have been vacuumed out.  Or given a saline bath.  I'd have never been alive.

"Accept the things to which fate binds you and love the people with whom fate brings you together, and do so with all your heart."  Marcus Aurelius

Since then, my life has taken a legendary tone.  I am a survivor of disaster.  I am also aware that the world does not view me as a valuable human, as a person who survived abortion, as a person without a father who gave him a name.

"No destiny attacks us from outside. But, within him, man bears his fate and there comes a moment when he knows himself vulnerable; and then, as in a vertigo, blunder upon blunder lures him."  Antoine de Saint-ExupĂ©ry

I was attacked in life for being sensitive.  I have been insulted, abused and bullied.  But now, at 52, I have seen and done things that I never would have imagined.  I have met, spoke with, and slew dragons.  I've seen beauty that cannot be described.  And I've been made whole by love.

"I shall seize fate by the throat." Ludwig van Beethoven

As a child I was adopted, and my parents were people who were good people.  They gave me a life that I would never have had if aborted, if kept by my rapist father or birth mother.  My parents were not exactly the sort who knew what to do with me.  And were not the sort who were good for my sort of personality.  But it wasn't as if it were their fault.  They tried their best.

“Don't be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”  RUMI


As you walk through these magnificent images by Virginia Skeritt from the public domain, consider, I am living a life that beyond the ken of normality.  I am a Christian, living a life of honor, no matter who dislikes my code.  I am a warrior, speaking words that have power.  I do not lie, even if some do not like the truth.

“Moonlight floods the whole sky from horizon to horizon;
How much it can fill your room depends on its windows.” Rumi

So wait, aren't I a demon?  Didn't I say that?  Nothing anyone else has said, I haven't already thought, felt, and tortured myself with.  Am I crazy?  Not according to most people who I've told the real story to.  Am I insane?  I am not.  Am I a demon?  No.  I am a warrior, a Christian, a father, a husband, a brother, a poet.  Follow my journey, it has been an legendary.

“You have forgotten the One
who doesn't care about ownership,
who doesn't try to turn a profit
from every human exchange.”  Rumi

I was told by an artist that I was the reason he believed in abortion.  Let us hope he means for the health and safety of all women.  I ask for prayers for that person.  He needs them.

“Whoever's calm and sensible is insane!”  Rumi

"Failure and success seem to have been allotted to men by their stars. But they retain the power of wriggling, of fighting with their star or against it, and in the whole universe the only really interesting movement is this wriggle." E.M. Forester

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