Sunday, September 27, 2015

Having Dreams is Dangerous

“A poet should leave traces of his passage, not proofs. Traces alone engender dreams.”  René Char

In the aftermath of cancer, a memory robbing brain disorder, and two other issues that might kill me, even soon, I began to and still sleep more every night than I had each night in the previous 12 years.  The reason for that was likely because I had written and used the internet for 80 hours a week, and going without sleep had left me exhausted.  Being without sleep left me vulnerable to many different attacks, issues, and health problems.  Being without sleep also left me without dreams.  

I missed having dreams.  I missed them for the chance to relax, to recuperate from life's pain, and to turn my days from insanity to sanity again.  I have enough meds to deal with the issues that my mind faces, but, there are natural issues that only sleep could settle.  Since entering into a period of time of writing, but without forcing myself to over work, I've slept, I've dreamed, and now, I've begun sleeping in enough hours to dream enough to recover.  

I do have migraines and health issues that have interrupted my ability to sleep due to pain.  This is not the same as issues falling asleep.  When out of pain I have no problem.  Being out of pain, of course, is an entirely different thing.  But that isn't the point I am making.  A number of people in my life were unfortunate to treat me poorly at this time in my life.  When they had made a comment, I likely blocked them, deleted them, or in person chose to not be their friend or acquaintance any longer.  I didn't have the mental resources to deal with them, and being patient was a virtue I no longer possessed.  

However, I am now charging batteries, sleeping more, and entering, at last, the realm of sleep.  Dream is a lot like the realm of hope, because when you dream, you can escape and return.  And that is a good thing. 

“Some of my youthful readers are developing wonderful imaginations. This pleases me. Imagination has brought mankind through the Dark Ages to its present state of civilization. Imagination led Columbus to discover America. Imagination led Franklin to discover electricity. Imagination has given us the steam engine, the telephone, the talking-machine, and the automobile, for these things had to be dreamed of before they became realities. So I believe that dreams — day dreams, you know, with your eyes wide open and your brain machinery whizzing — are likely to lead to the betterment of the world. The imaginative child will become the imaginative man or woman most apt to create, to invent, and therefore to foster civilization. A prominent educator tells me that fairy tales are of untold value in developing imagination in the young. I believe it. “ 

L. Frank Baum

“The pain was maddening. You should pray to God when you're dying, if you can pray when you're in agony. In my dream I didn't pray to God, I thought of Roger and how dearly I loved him. The pain of those wicked flames was not half so bad as the pain I felt when I knew he was dead. I felt suddenly glad to be dying. I didn't know when you were burnt to death you'd bleed. I thought the blood would all dry up in the terrible heat. But I was bleeding heavily. The blood was dripping and hissing in the flames. I wished I had enough blood to put the flames out. The worst part was my eyes. I hate the thought of gong blind. It's bad enough when I'm awake but in dreams you can't shake the thoughts away. They remain. In this dream I was going blind. I tried to close my eyelids but I couldn't. They must have been burnt off, and now those flames were going to pluck my eyes out with their evil fingers, I didn't want to go blind. The flames weren't so cruel after all. They began to feel cold. Icy cold. It occurred to me that I wasn't burning to death but freezing to death.”  

Arthur Guirdham

No comments:

Post a Comment