Who do I need the approval of? Is there anyone? If there is no one, why should I feel so judged by society, and I do. Am I flawed so greatly that my being should cause the society to be embarrassed? Or that I should be to be as part of the whole? Am I so fatally mistaken about my worth that I think I should be welcome in society?
I have heard people say I never asked to be born. But I think they don't realize how ironic that plays in the days of modernity. We are less than what we should be, because we've told society that we should be treated as individuals with rights and choices.
I hear ticks of the clock as seconds pass, and time will harvest me some day, it is not a mystery. Everyone dies. And this temporal passage between first breath and last is not something that has to be difficult, unless we want to make it more than it is. And there is the problem. We can do nothing, and get through, relatively easily, perhaps do nothing, but get through to the end. But, I want more. And to have more, you have to do more. And to do more, you have to expose yourself to threats and danger.
And why should we? Unless there is something worth it in the end. And who decides it was worth it in the end? You'll be dead. Who wants to be dead? Well, I don't exactly want to be dead, but there are a buttload of times I'd prefer to not be here in this world at this time... But that will pass. I have stuff to do.
If this sounds hopeful, it sort of is. I was told to expect a certain result after a certain blood test returned with a result that seemed to indicate a positive result. However, it was considered a-typical and needing a retest. It resulted in a negative result. I found out I had a number of other equally bad things to worry over, but, I can more easily deal with them. I feel as if I had a reprieve. So, I have stuff to do, and I have hope. Have hope. Always have hope.
Chapter 2, verse 20
"na jayate mriyate va kadacin nayam bhutva bhavita va na bhuyah
ajo nityah sasvato yam purano na hanyate hanyamane"
"The soul never takes birth and never dies at any time nor does it come into being again when the body is created. The soul is birthless, eternal, imperishable and timeless and is never terminated when the body is terminated."