Saturday, August 8, 2015

My world collapsing in upon me

My first 35 years have been much different than my last 16 years.  I have belonged to dozens of social justice groups, religious gatherings, and communities.  I often spent my time and energy to help, but I always ended up feeling chewed up and spit out.  Since then I have long tried to stay aloof from the world.  I believed that if I ignored politics, the troubles of others due to war and conflict, and focused upon my family, my work, and my belief system that the world adjust to my refusal to participate.  Because of course, I could still pray, I could still read and keep abreast of the situations, right? Well no.  By doing nothing I might be allowing evil to flourish. 

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."  Edmund Burke

But the world doesn't follow rules I lay down for it to follow.  In fact when I suggest that there are rules the world tends to ignore them, or worse, behave exactly the opposite of what I'd prefer.  Does the world have a personal stake in my mental well being?  Is there an ego crushing protocol that becomes triggered upon my mental statement of purpose that I must be undisturbed by the outside world?  It sure appears so.

“Mine honor is my life; both grow in one; Take honor from me, and my life is done.”  William Shakespeare

So then, truth demands that I consider the implications of the events happening in my world.  I can volunteer.  But I am sick more days than I am well. My body is falling apart.  I also have mental disorders that make life even more difficult regarding dealing with people.  So I am better off learning and researching a subject and then writing about it.  But then I learn that almost every subject that harrows me, that hurts my heart, is controlled either by the Left or the Right, and whoever is in control of the White House is the side you can guess is the scientist's lean.  So I have to sift through shit.  People argue endlessly and I am not an expert.  However, I do know what shit is.   In general, my Political Science degree holds up well when I read the baloney spewed from politically motivated science.

"Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it." Albert Einstein

I was invited twice to run for political office, twice to be a city council member, and less politically, once to be a school board member.  These were never possible for me.  I would have truly given them my greatest effort, but, I dislike interacting with people.  I am an introvert, I do not trust people who have motives different than my own, and I am not willing to play games of compromise.  I do not hold the cards close to my chest and bluff and card count.  I let people know straight out what I am about, and game playing does not work with me, nor for me.

"Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality, the costs become prohibitive." William F. Buckley, Jr.

“Fail to honor people,they fail to honor you; but of a good leader, who talks little, when his work is done, his aims fulfilled, they will all say, 'We did this ourselves.'” Lao Tzu

I am not a leader.  I am not a follower.  I exist.  So perhaps I will be seeking a different role in the future. Or, perhaps, that is what I am doing.

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