Thursday, July 9, 2015

Someday when I die

I think about Death, maybe even a lot.

If a person reviews my blogs they will undoubtedly see that I think about death.  I will die, obviously.  Every person does, no one makes it out of this place alive.  We are made of meat, flesh, and our existence here is temporary.  Our time on earth is not enough for some people, it is a time of suffering, and we learn to experience our senses, including all forms of pain, all forms of joy, and the emotions of joy, sorrow, humor, anger, and many others.

I do not know why it is done this way, outside of the fact that we clearly have to learn, to experience, and to endure.  I live but, how much I've learned, that I do not know.

In my life I most trust my best friend Russ, my wife Beth, my son and my cousins.  There are others who I trust, or who have been important to me, but I mention these people because they allowed me to achieve the few things I have in life.  And, my writing is how I will live beyond.  What I am doing is trying to create a body of work, once I get to a place worth getting to, that my son will be able to collect, and be able to sell.  By doing this he will be keeping me alive.

I am not worried about dying.  I am in grave pain, but I am not afraid.  Pain is temporal.  It will pass, and I will either get better, or not.   What doesn't pass, and what isn't temporal, is my love.  I love my wife, I love my son.  My family, and all those who have become part of the family structure I've built are not temporary included in the foundation of my home.  I am not a wealthy man.  I am not a person who has had great "luck".  But what I've learned is that I have lived a life that has been fortunate, and I've had a son who fulfills the needs of being a parent.  My wife and I are different, so different that I don't think the term soul-mate works.  We love, even love forever and ever, but, I don't know if we were meant to be.  We just were us, and we love.  And that is by no means wrong.  When death comes for me, I might be reading a book in the park.  I might be taking a bath, with my cat next to me, waiting to cuddle me when the water drains.  Or I might be asleep.  Or working in the fields, unaware of the reaper's approach.  But I will be ready, because my heart is going to be ready.

“Somewhere in the world there is a defeat for everyone. Some are destroyed by defeat, and some made small and mean by victory. Greatness lives in one who triumphs equally over defeat and victory.”

John Steinbeck, The Acts of King Arthur and His Noble Knights

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